A Day in the Life of Ranma Saotome
by rapancheese
Summary: Just another ordinary day for Ranma. No, seriously, that's it. This is just me pointing out that Ranma's daily life kinda sucks. But it might make you laugh, so go on, read it. You know you want too...[One shot]


Michael Gutin

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Disclaimer: These aren't my characters, but that doesn't mean I can't make fun of them.

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Warning: This is purely a satire, (Think of it as a Ranma ½ episode written by Douglas Adams, not that I'm even close to as good a writer as he is, but it's the same style of humor.) This does not have a real plot, will not solve any problems, and will not invoke any response except (hopefully), laughter. This is all just me poking fun at the Ranma ½ World. If you review, I only want to know if you found it funny/non-funny, and perhaps which parts you especially enjoyed/hated. That is all.

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A Day in the Life of Ranma Saotome

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Ranma awoke in a manner that most people would find surprising, that being that he was flying through the air at unnatural speeds, with a rather painful collision with a wall being his destination. His brain processed what was gong on, and decided to file 'Slam into wall face first' into the 'Things to be avoided' category. His body complied and he twisted in midair and positioned his feet so that he could rebound against the wall.

This was all done subconsciously as Ranma had yet to fully wake up. It was not long before he did so, the first image his brain received being one of a rather fat panda bearing down on him. He filed this into his 'Business as usual' category, briefly pondered that this fact must surely mean something was wrong with him, then launched himself at his attacker.

The fight ended as expected, with Ranma dripping wet, and now a girl. He had fallen into the pond of course. He hated that pond; he would have loved nothing more than firing a well placed Mouko Takabisha, or perhaps twenty, at the pond until it was only a horrible memory. Of course, he knew the Tendo's would not appreciate his services quite as much as he would, so he merely tried to locate some hot water.

As if to add insult to injury, Akane had cooked breakfast and was asking Ranma to eat it. Actually, the phrase is slightly misleading; for Akane's cooking definitely fell under the category of injury. Horrible, long lasting, and somehow quite explosive injury. Ranma was lucky that his stomach was not a separate organism, for if it were, the amount of pain he had caused it would certainly earn him a seat of honor in hell. Needless to say, Ranma had no interest in eating what was called "food" only in the loosest terms of the word. He thought about how he could get out of this situation, preferably alive. His normal solution was to call Akane's cooking toxic, which wasn't accurate at all. Calling Akane's cooking toxic was like describing a flood as 'damp'. This time, however, Ranma mumbled an excuse about wanting to turn back into a guy, and ran as fast as he could upstairs, begging whatever gods were listening to please, please, please let him come out of this unscathed.

As he was running past a window, he noticed a cat was moving around outside. He considered using the Neko-ken to get out of this. Sure, the only way to invoke it was to get his fear of cats to drive him to insanity, then push that fear so far that even the insane portion of his mind snapped, but if the alternative was Akane's cooking…

He decided that if he did go cat, Akane would get him out of it, and would demand he ate her pois…er, cooking, so he quickly reverted to his original plan: Run like hell.

Ranma wondered briefly for the hundredth time if maybe Akane was an assassin sent to kill him in the most painful way possible, before jumping out of a window, fearing that Mach 1 might not be fast enough to escape.

Luckily, it was. He realized he was running past Ucchan's, and decided his stomach need to be calmed after such a scare, and so he walked in, a big smile plastered on his face.

He called out the owner, named Ukyo Kounji, and stated that he was hungry, his stomach rumbling in agreement. He saw her smile and began to pour the batter on her grill. He realized he was still a girl, and went to get some hot water, and returned just as the okanomiyaki was finished. He told her thanks and flashed her one of his smiles that he knew girls couldn't resist. Oh, he knew, they all thought that he was completely clueless when it came to woman. But honestly, he had enough of them chasing him these past years to more than make up for his childhood of solitude. He strung his fiancés along because he didn't want to hurt their feelings. He did NOT do it because of the food…he told himself.

He chatted with Ukyo as he ate, and after he finished, he left and idly though about his next destination. Perhaps Akane had pushed the food off on someone else? Not likely. He wished Ryoga was here, he would eat Akane's food with a smile on his face. Not only that, he and Ryoga could spar afterwards, once Ryoga had a chance to recover, that is.

With a sigh, Ranma decided to return to the Tendo household, and take the pain like a man. He could almost feel that mallet smashing into the side of his face, or ribs, or legs, or that one time she hit his groi...er, moving on. Deep down, Ranma knew, call him crazy, but he just knew that there had to be some combination of words that he could say to avoid being launched into orbit. But he'd be damned if he knew what that combination was. Maybe, just maybe, the key was to be nice to her. He thought about that but quickly dismissed it. After all, if being nice was the key, Ryoga and Akane would've been married by now. He decided to think about more reasonable methods. Hmm…maybe if I ignore her, she'll have no reason to hit me! Always the optimist, Ranma headed home to try his new approach.

Half an hour later…

Ranma sailed through the air and landed in the park. Needless to say, his new method had not been effective to the degree he had hoped for. He still wouldn't give up though, if there was anything Ranma liked, it was a challenge. However, he would worry about that later, because somehow unorthodox air travel and landings involving ten foot craters had made him hungry again. And wouldn't you know it; he had landed in plain sight of his final source of free eats, the Nekohanten. Of course, the last time he had eaten there, Shampoo had been up to her usual schemes, and has spiked the food. Thing went inexplicably and horribly wrong, as these things tend to do, and, long story short, it had ended with Ranma serenading anyone who blinked. Things of this manner led to him not eating at the Nekohanten quite as much as at Ucchan's or the Tendo's, but still, that ramen…it was good stuff.

He made his way towards the café when he heard Mousse scream his usual gibberish and attack Ranma, or, what he though was Ranma. So Ranma watched as Mousse wrapped a mailbox in chains and proceeded to beat the hell out of it. And it was a nice mailbox too…

Deciding that he shouldn't ruin Mousse's fun, Ranma walked past him and entered. The Nekohanten had a greeting for Ranma that was most assuredly non-verbal. It came in the form of a hug from a girl who was, for lack of other words…curvaceous. Actually, let's just come out and say it, she was freakin' hot. Like, really hot. I mean, have you seen her? The way her…ahem, anyway, this girl had Ranma in an embrace that no jaws-of-life could free him of. Now, do the nature of hugs such as hers, specifically, the closeness that said hugs bring. Certain, rather large parts of her anatomy were currently being pressed quite thoroughly against Ranma. So really, no one could blame him for the slight blush that crept across his cheeks. Well, except for Akane, who not only could, but did so, on a regular basis, and followed it up with actions that most would consider…excessive.

At this point, there is something you have to understand here. Ranma is, well, not the sharpest tool in the shed. Consider next, the position poor Ranma was in. Shampoo was doing her best impression of an octopus, while muttering quite sexually suggestive phrases in Ranma's ear. Now, the sum total of all Ranma's sexual experience amounts to, and I'm just estimating here, zero. Also take into account, that Ranma's mind was trying to focus, on what it believed should be the very simple task, of obtaining and then eating food. Now these two things, food and horny girls, did not mix well at all for Ranma, and so his brain picked the only course of action it could amongst all the confusion.

Ranma stood still, and sulked. As all you readers know, and as Ranma should have known from experience, this did absolutely nothing to alleviate either problem. Accordingly, Ranma's brain switched to Plan B, run away. Unfortunately, Ranma discovered that this plan, while seeming to be one that would work in any situation, is actually useless when one has a one hundred and twenty pound mass squeezing oneself with strength that would make an anaconda green with envy. Undaunted, Ranma's brain switched to its third all-purpose solution, wait for Akane to come in and mallet him.

Seconds ticked by, followed by minutes, during which Shampoo became increasingly delighted with the 'quality time' she was spending with her fiancée. Finally, Ranma realized that this course of action wouldn't work either. But Ranma had one last trick up his sleeve. One last resort, so desperate, that it was only used when Ranma was absolutely sure that there was nothing else he could even hope to do. Something so horrible and shameful, that it made Ranma cringe just thinking about it. He had too…had too…ask for help. But desperate times called for desperate measure. So Ranma took a deep breath, steeled himself, and asked the only person who was around at the time.

"So, er, Shampoo….um, what do we do now?"

Shampoo laughed to herself at Ranma's ignorance, then stopped suddenly. What were they supposed to do? She thought to herself a while. Let's see, first we hug, then Ranma gets embarrassed, then Akane…but Akane's not here right now so…

"Shampoo not know."

Ranma pondered this for a while. Him and Shampoo, all alone, right next to each other, with no Akane, they could do whatever they wanted. Absolutely anything, even…

"So…uh, Shampoo…"

"Yes?"

"…since we're all alone here…"

"Yes?"

"…we could…"

"Yes?"

"…you know, we could…"

"Yes?"

"…go our separate ways. I mean, it's not like there's anything else we could do here, right?"

"Shampoo agree, bye Ranma!"

"See ya later Shampoo."

And so Ranma left the Nekohanten, with a vague feeling that he could have handled that differently. As he walked away, Shampoo was left behind, wondering exactly how she spent her free time when she wasn't chasing Ranma.

Walking exactly the opposite direction from Ranma, going down the exact street Ranma was going down, was Kuno. Kuno hummed to himself on this glorious day, while the sun shined down solely for the purpose of illuminating his noble self. The birds sang to him as he passed the by. Ravishing him with their love and devotion. What fine creatures they be, to be so aware of the proper decorum when in my presence, he thought to himself. Ah, but I have to time for such trivial matters, for it has been foreseen that today I shall finally vanquish the dark sorcerer Saotome, and then bask in the adoration of my loves.

Kuno stopped, for before him laid a sight so hideous, he was sure that men of lesser fortitude then he would vomit at a mere glance. The figure so overcome with evil that it corrupted all that surrounded it. It had claimed so many victims already, and Kuno was sure that only because his mind was so pure and selfless could he withstand its evil aura.

"Saotome!" He screamed in righteous fury, "You will not live to see the next morn, for I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall remove thee from this earth!"

The heavens responded to his decree, fully showing their support in his extermination of this unholy plight, by opening up, and releasing rain upon him and his foe. But when the rain sprinkled upon the abominations head, he transformed. Kuno could only gasp at the site that lay before him, it was none other than his fiery pig-tailed goddess. Could the red-haired one and Saotome really be the same person? No, that is exactly what that demon wants me to think! He is trying to manipulate me into servitude, like he has already done with my loves. No! I, Tatewaki Kuno, am much too clever for that trick. Ha! Saotome, you have not a hundredth of the brains required to outwit me. And with that he charged, yelling "Your untruths shall not harm me, foul one!"

Ranma saw Kuno charging at him. Screaming death threats, like he normally did. He then realized that Kuno was doing this, even though Ranma was a girl. Hmm, that's new, thought Ranma, as he kicked Kuno skyward and headed back home to seek hot water.

Nabiki was in need of some money. Not a lot, just some change. As most of her money was not in cash, this proved to be quite an annoying task. But then she spotted Ranma in the rain, obviously entering the house for some water. Now, I'm sure we all know what comes next, don't we? That's right, no sooner than Ranma had come to the door, there sat Nabiki, holding a kettle of hot water. Of course, one could not see the water, but it was obvious anyway. I mean, what else would there be in the kettle? Something that isn't water? Or water that isn't hot? Nonsense. What are you going to suggest next? That buckets could contain water that wasn't cold? Don't make me laugh. As I was saying, Nabiki held out the kettle, clearly indicating that Ranma should take it and use it. Ranma snorted.

"Nabiki, I'm two rooms away from the bathroom, do you really think I'm gonna pay for that water?"

Nabiki merely smiled. "Oh Ranma, always so suspicious of little old me, I'm not going to demand any money for this water, it's completely, one-hundred percent free."

Ranma glared at Nabiki, clearly suspicious, but took the water anyway. "Thanks Nabiki, I guess."

As he poured the water and transformed, Nabiki maintained that fake grin of hers, held out her hand and declared "One thousand yen please."

"What?" Ranma exclaimed, "You said this water was free Nabiki!"

"Why of course my dear Ranma, that water is as free as the air you breathe. But I never said anything about that kettle."

"What? I don't want your stinkin' kettle, here, have it back!" in accordance with that statement, Ranma tossed the kettle at Nabiki's feet.

"I never said I gave you the kettle Ranma, why would I do something like that? I merely rented it to you, for one use, for one thousand yen, would you be a dear and pay up please?" Nabiki asked, her voice ever-so-sweet.

Ranma got out his wallet, and paid her, but not before having the last word.

"Damn you Nabiki. Damn you and your…your words!"

Feeling that he had put one greedy girl in her place, Ranma stalked off, just wishing for some peace and quiet for once.

Of course, Ranma's life is doomed to be neither peaceful nor quiet. There are many possible explanations for this. Many have been given by others, each one just as likely as the next. Ranging from Ranma being the Avatar of the God of Chaos, to an Anything Goes Chaos Curse, but I will not pull the wool over your eyes with these falsities. The plain truth of that matter is, Ranma's life is so chaotic because otherwise it would be boring to read. With that out of the way, let us continue our observation of Ranma.

At this point in the story, one must realize that Ranma is a victim of unusual circumstances an unusually large amount of time. That is to say, always. These circumstances are, shall we say, quite limiting, in terms of possible reactions that Ranma may take. This means that Ranma spends a great deal of his time acting and responding in a way that the situation dictates, rather than how he would normally choose to act. Because of the already mentioned high occurrence of this, Ranma had almost completely forgotten what it feels like to say or do something because he wanted to, instead of to get out of something, or to please someone. Now, at this time, Ranma was currently not being pursued or asked of anything by anyone. Meaning a very rare situation was making itself present.

Ranma was free to do whatever he wanted.

And, because of the rareness of said event occurring, Ranma had to take a moment to ask himself, what is it that he liked doing?

Eating? Well, there was that. But lunch wasn't for another hour, and he had exhausted his other sources of food.

Martial Arts? Ranma though back to his memory of his time at the Tendo's. He realized he had only ever sparred with his dad, or with Akane, or with Cologne whenever he was trying to learn a new move. Oh, and that one time with the shadow powder.

Music? He didn't remember himself ever listening to music, as a matter of fact, he had never seen anyone ever listen to music. Though he did have a feeling that at various points in his life there was some sort of music playing in the background. Usually whenever he was in a situation that was either dangerous or comical, or right as he was about to do something with Akane that he would probably regret later.

Reading? Ranma remembered himself falling asleep at school, often. They had a lot of books at school as well, he recalled. He reasoned this must mean that books were not his particular forte. But then he recalled a memory of reading some sort of manga while sparring with Akane. Was he reading it because he found in interesting, or did he do it just to piss Akane off? He couldn't for the life of him remember.

All of this thinking was certainly not Ranma's style, and so he decided that he should go walk somewhere to take his mind of things. And so he did.

He really didn't care where he was going, so he just picked a random direction and started walking down it. There was no fence to walk upon, so Ranma had to settle for actually walking on the sidewalk. He found his movement much less restricted when he did this, and this made him pause and wonder why the hell he ran on the fence in the first place, but he quickly dismissed this thought as he saw a person walking down the same street he was on. The stranger looked and Ranma and gave a polite "Hello" before continuing on his way. Ranma stopped the stranger.

"What do you want?"

The stranger frowned at him. "Excuse me?"

"I said what do you want from me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Er, nothing sir."

"Oh, so it's Akane you're after."

"Pardon?"

"Yeah, that's how things work around here. Everyone is either out to kill me, or after Akane, or both."

"I…I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ranma scowled at the man, and cracked his knuckles, attempting to, and succeeding very well at, looking menacing, before growling "I don't believe you."

This poor man was at his wits end. He had just wanted a nice walk to get away from all the daily hassles and stress that accompanied middle-class life, and here was a rather tall teenager looking very much like he wanted to, and was very capable of, causing pain to the man. All the man could do was back away slowly while muttering "…didn't do anything…so sorry…have no idea…just minding my …don't hurt me…"

Ranma narrowed his eyes and glared at the man. He sure didn't look like the same type of people that were always after Ranma, but one could never be too sure…

Luckily for the man, Ranma's stomach took that moment to make its demand known, and if there was one thing Ranma obeyed, it was his stomach.

"You're of the hook for now, whoever you are, but if I see around here again…" And with that, Ranma took off back to the Tendo home, leaving the man to run as far as he could, swearing he would never talk another walk again.

One might be inclined to believe that Ranma heading to the Tendo home to seek food, when it had been the food there that had caused him to leave it in the first place, was quite foolish. However, Ranma knew that cooking food usually left Akane so angry she could barely form sentences for quite some time, and so it was quite unlikely that she would cook two meals in a row. With that seemingly sound piece of logic firmly lodged in his brain, Ranma sauntered his way over to the Tendo house, humming to himself.

And he was, for once, correct. For wafting in from the kitchen came the aroma that could only be Kasumi's cooking. Ranma's mind switched to auto-pilot as he sat down and waited. It was at that point that Akane came down to the table. The expression on her face was (surprise, surprise) one of anger. Ranma was, of course, blissfully unaware as he merely waited patiently for sustenance.

Unfortunately for him, Akane had something else in mind. That being an interrogation.

"So, Ranma, where'd you run off to?" she asked, in a voice that implied that answering this question the wrong way could have quite painful results.

"Told you, I had to turn into a guy," replied Ranma, still focusing on his soon-to-be lunch.

"No, I mean after I malleted you. You probably went flirting with one of your other fiancés, didn't you?"

"Uh huh" said Ranma, who was still not paying attention to what was being said. Normally this would be the part where Akane bears down upon Ranma, who tries desperately to explain his actions, fails, and gets smacked into the sunset, since this is the only way that Takahashi resolves conflict between the two besides getting them to almost kiss. (A/N: No, really, I keed I keed, we all love you Takahashi, or we wouldn't be writing this garbage, er, I mean, respectable fan fiction.)

However, this time Akane merely glared at Ranma with a gaze that would kill lesser man. Now, Ranma was at this point not the most aware of his environment, but when giant flames envelop the being seating next to him, even his attention was caught.

As he gazed into the face of his worst nightmares, his thought process went something like this:

Brain to Mouth: Say something!

"Uh, er, that is to say Akane…I was…"

Mouth to Brain: Shit! I have no idea what to say.

Brain to Eyes: I don't know either, look around for some ideas.

Eyes to Brain: There's a table and over there is a door, and in the corner is a box full of the Tendo's old Christmas stuff.

Brain to Eyes: Oh, just great, no really eyes, that was soooo helpful.

Eyes to Brain: Go fuck yourself.

Brain: Jeez! Do I have to do all the thinking around here?

Spleen to Brain: Well…you ARE the brain you know…

Brain to Spleen: Hey, was I talking to you?

Spleen to Brain: Well, um…

Brain to Spleen: I said, was I talking to you?

Spleen to Brain: Well…no…

Brain to Spleen: Then shut your goddamn mouth.

Mouth: Huh? Did someone call?

Brain: Ugh, just forget it.

Memory: Erasing.

Brain to Memory: No. Shit! That's not what I meant. Stop. Stop it.

Memory: Stopped.

Brain to Memory: Crap, what did we just lose?

Memory to Brain: I don't remember…

Brain: Gah! Just, you know what, let it go…All right, I gotta think…hmmm…old Christmas stuff….that's it, Mouth, get over here, I'm a genius!

Mouth to Brain: Actually, that one time you took the IQ test it said you were a…

Brain to Mouth: No, I mean because I just…never mind, listen, I figured out what to say.

Mouth to Brain: Do tell.

Brain to Mouth: Tell her that you got her a present.

Mouth to Brain: That, um….yeah, you really think that'll work?

Brain to Mouth: You got a better idea?

Spleen to Brain: Ooh! I do, I do!

Brain to Spleen: What the hell did I just get through telling you?

Spleen: Fine…

Brain to Mouth: Well, what are you waiting for? Say it.

Mouth to Brain: Here goes.

"…that is to say, I, um…I was…getting you a present…"

Akane gaped at Ranma, as if he had just uttered the stupidest excuse in the entire history of the known universe, which he quite possibly had, before breaking out into a grin and exclaiming "Really? Wow, Ranma, I'm so happy!"

And before Ranma had a chance to do anything, she jumped up, hugged him, and returned to her seat and beamed at Ranma.

Brain: Job well done I say. I knew this was foolproof.

Maintaining the smile, Akane did nothing for a moment, before innocently asking, "So, where is it?"

Brain: Oh hell…What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?

Spleen to Brain: I told you…

Brain to Spleen: You finish that sentence and I'll kill you.

Spleen to Brain: You can't do that, you need me. I act as a filter against foreign organisms and help clean out and recycle old red blood cells from the blood stream.

Brain to Spleen: I don't care. Shut your mouth or you're gone.

Spleen: …

Brain: Ah…so much better, now, does anyone but spleen have any ideas?

Stomach: We should eat dinner.

Brain to Stomach: How the hell would that help?

Stomach to Brain: We wouldn't be hungry then.

Brain to Stomach: What about the part where we avoid Akane smacking us into next week?

Stomach to Brain: Nerve cells are your deal, as long as she doesn't go for the belly, I really don't care if she hits us or not.

Brain: Great, great. So I'm alone in this am I? No one else gives two shits about what happens to me?

Brain: …Okay. That's how it's gonna be, eh? Fine, I'll do it myself. Cause I have to do all the work around here don't I? Lousy ingrates. Okay…think, think…present…means gift wrapped in….That's it! Mouth, tell her that I still have to wrap it.

Mouth: Sure.

"Er, Akane, it's…well it's still gotta be wrapped, I mean…it's gotta be a surprise, you know…"

Brain: Please work, please work, please work.

"Oh, all right Ranma, you can give it to me later then."

At this point Ranma felt he had finally won this round, and oh what a sweet victory it was. As Kasumi brought out the food, Ranma could not help but imagine it was to commemorate this day, and the food smelled just that sweeter for it.

Right as Ranma was about to dig in, Akane once again voiced her thoughts. "Hey Ranma, if you just went out to buy me a present, shouldn't it be with you right now?"

Brain: Oh, hell no. Not this time. Activate Plan ZZQ Alpha.

Mouth to Brain: You want to change into a girl and have me flirt with Akane?

Brain to Mouth: No you idiot! That's Plan AZQ Beta. We want ZZQ Alpha.

Mouth to Brain: Oh! Right. I gotcha. So you want me to scream "It was pops fault!" and have legs take us to our room and sulk.

Brain to Mouth: No, no, no! I'm talking about shoveling you face so full of food that your responses become incoherent.

Mouth to Brain: Oh, I can do that.

Mouth to Hands: You ready for this?

Hands to Mouth: Oh yeah!

And with that, Ranma commenced eating his food at breakneck speeds, finished in record time, even for him, and ran out of the room like a bat out of hell.

"My, what an energetic boy that Ranma is." Kasumi managed to comment.

Ranma jogged merrily down the street, his defeat of Akane now being a definite occurrence. As he jogged he chanted to himself, "Who's the man? I'm that man. Who's the man? That's right, I'm the man." And would have continued to do so, where he not interrupted by a scream.

"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Now, too most people, an anonymous shout calling for the aforementioned persons death would be cause for at least minor alarm, however, to Ranma, this merely signaled the approach of his best friend in the entire world.

"Hey, Ryoga. How are you doing?" he shouted happily.

"Ranma, you've made my life a living hell. You've taken away all that was good in my life. You're me existence is the cause of all of my current problems. If you were not here this world would be paradise. I would gladly sell my soul and live for eternity in damnation if it meant you would just go the hell away, even for only a little while."

Ah, that Ryoga, he's always cracking those funny jokes of his, Ranma thought to himself.

"What do you want pig-boy?" He just loves that nickname.

"Mock me will you Saotome? That's it, let's fight."

Man, it seems all Ryoga wants to do is have friendly spars with me, we never have any time to really bond, that's such a shame. Oh well…

They began to fight, and as the previous results have foretold, Ranma ended up the winner. As he walked away from the pathetic heap that was Ryoga, he heard Ryoga's voice call out "Damn you Ranma! Damn you to a thousand hells. The day I become stronger than you, I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born.

Ryoga's such a nice friend, thought Ranma as he walked on.

Ranma noticed it was getting late. He was about to turn around and return to his home, when he noticed Happosai bounding towards him, with a filled bag.

If, at this point, you don't know what the bag contains, you shouldn't be reading this story in the first place.

Now, on par with the usual state of things, Ranma managed to grab Happosai out of the air, this time however, Ranma did something he had never done before. He asked a question.

"Hey, what do you do with all those panties and bras, anyway?"

Happosai looked at him for a moment before giving a hearty chuckle. "Oh my boy, so foolish, so unlearned. Don't you know of all the plentiful things you can do with these sweet silky darlings?'

"Um, no…"

"You…you don't? Well, er, I mean…haven't you seen all the things I do with mine?"

"Happosai, all you ever do is keep them in a pile in your room, and sometimes you iron them."

"Oh, I do that, do I…well, you see Ranma, what you really do with this stuff is you…that is you…"

"I don't have all day old man."  
"Oh shut up Ranma! Do you have any idea what you've done? You've ruined everything! I don't…why the hell am I doing all this? What's the joy in it? Damn you Ranma, you've ruined this old man's last indulgence in life, I hope you're happy!"

Ranma merely shrugged and returned home. For some reason, he felt today had been particularly exhausting. All he wanted to was a nice long rest. He entered his room and flicked the light on. In retrospect, Ranma realized this had been a bad move.

Standing there was Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, Kuno, Ryoga and Happosai.

"Where's my present Ranma?"

"How come all you ever do is mooch from me Ranma honey?"

"Shampoo figure out what to do now Airen!"

"My powers of righteousness are renewed, I shall smite you now!"

"I finally have a way to beat you Saotome!"

"This is what you get for killing my last joy insolent whelp!"

Ranma gazed at each of them in turn, and asked weakly "Can this wait until tomorrow?"

"NO!"

Ranma merely sighed.

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Author's Note: Holy shit. That was pointless. Oh well. You don't like it? Bite me. 


End file.
